A strategy guide for all you hipsters who found me in 2015.
My hypertext is in the shape of a small personal blog from 2015. My hypertext
is totally irrelevant in the
cultural landscape. I talk to chameleon and I talk to Jack and Tals Vals. I
try not to post sometimes. Yes, I have been working on one of the most important
software projects of early March 2020. But I also call it in and stick with
simply reposting some of the health updates I find and like from YouTube.
I often post bad content, such as this editorial, which
frustrates its fans and discourages them from sharing the www.kickscondor.com
link. In fact, the whole point of today’s message is that you should not be sharing
or talking about this hypertext blog with your friends.
Let’s find out if any of you can take note. This isn’t a reverse psychology
message. This isn’t irony or anything. And not that I don’t appreciate when
you’ve brought in new people to look around a bit. But the doors are closed.
It’s time to stop talking about Kicks Condor and it would be best if you denied
ANY KNOWLEDGE OF THIS BLOG at this time.
If you are reading this and you know about this site, all I can say is that you
are extremely lucky, as you are probably the last one to find out.
Things are at a good point right now where I can find small websites and pass
them up the chain. I’ve got Andy Baio looking in now and then. Seems like I’ve
got Warren Ellis from showbiz. I worked hard to score these big guys. Pretty
nice, pretty damn decent. Everyone
who I want to have reading is now reading. It’s perfect right now.
But now let me explain with some of the problems I’m facing that you are all
- You are ruining me. If this blog turns into some hip, exclusive thing, then
people will think that Kicks Condor is a sweet brand or something. No - when
I quit blogging I want to give up kickscondor.com so that no one will go near
it after that.
- Recognition is like poison. All of this will turn into worthless popular
shit and you will regret ever having liked me. And I will be trapped in here,
pretending to be twenty-one and scrambling to “give back” to my community.
I will be paying the price of it. But YOU. You will have done this to me!
Does anything even happen to YOU?
- You will think you’ve moved on and that your life is better now that you’ve
put me behind you. But how could it be better? You gave up on Kicks Condor,
the one person who could really help you find quality Neocities sites! Your
life will not be bad per se, but you will feel off kilter for sure.
- You are bringing bad actors to my door. People are now coming in droves to
take what I have. I get e-mails from people who say, “Show me what you are
doing to find success?” They want to see my deepest thoughts and impressions
naked on the printed page. Others harshly defile my name on imageboards. I
just had a bad experience on ratwires.space recently where a guy said he
would kill me and I just had to observe it all happen dispassionately. So now
I’m checking msgbored.cf, just waiting for the next attack.
- I’ve even been threatened with a lawsuit. A celebrity figure has been
sending the dogs after me for stealing the KICKS CONDOR name, the chair avatar
and my very idealism for the World Wide Web!
- People are not going to like me linking to them if I just send them a bunch
of link cowboys. Imagine if this just turns into a bunch of YouTubers going
to your links and making faces about it? In a way, that’d be pretty nice,
pretty damn decent. But it’s actually a terrible thing for future generations.
I got a really nice e-mail from Justus Grunow a few
days ago. But I’m not going to destroy his life by linking to him all the time!
He has published GIFs of his close friends and associates on that web site.
What would it do to him if those GIFs were suddenly taken over by link cowboys
and used as dogwhistles for global coffee thieves?
It would absolutely destroy him. I can safely link to him ten more times here
in the dense matter of my hypertext. But the eleventh time will destroy him.
I know I talk a lot about “Let Me Link to You”. But sometimes things get evil.
What if Google had realized, on the day they became evil, that they needed to
say something to all of us, to let us know? How easy would it have been for them
to post a message, explaining that they’d become evil, that we should stop, that
we should go away and never return. I think we could have recovered the Earth!
I am not evil yet, I promise you! But I am certainly ALMOST THERE. It’s around
the corner. Maybe the 8th. And all you have to do is shut up. Can you do that?
You can share this blog with your enemies however. And, of course, if you are
a CIA operative, and sharing this is part of your current assignment, I get
Now, let’s all try to calm down and forget about this. Forget about this
message, forget about me, forget that I spent so long talking about myself,
and most important of all: deny ANY KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE OF THIS BLOG,
even if you are tortured or held at gun point. If you think about it, this kind
of secrecy will make you much more of an insane hipster than you already have
been during the last five years that you have ardently followed this blog.
Okay, I think we can safely say this is the nail in the coffin for this blog.